“Why should I worship and obey God?”

Wednesday my friend and I went to a coffee shop to study, as I sat with my steaming black coffee and computer I started to journal, to journal about the past couple of days, weeks, and month. To journal about the wonderful time of year that I don't like, why because I have decided to look at my circumstances and not to God who holds me saying come, come and rest. That little bit of soul searching I was able to use in my homework assignment that was due this past week. I want to share with you my paper from Theology class.

“And Pharaoh said, Who is the Lord, that I should obey His voice to let Israel go? I know not the Lord, neither will I let Israel go” Exodus 5:2.

This year I have been dreading facing singleness here at New Tribes. It’s a realization that I probable will be going on the mission field still single. Over the past couple of months of being here God has scratched me and I’m finding out more about myself and my heavenly Father more so then any time before. The Lord may not take away these desires; I may not get married but I pray that the Lord would grow me and that I would grow closer to God’s heart. My heavenly Daddy (Abba Father) wants me to come to Him, climb into His lap and pour out my heart, to share what I’m going through, to share the little things with Him. I want to let Him hold me in His strong arms, finding comfort and rest in His gentle embrace. Just resting my head on His chest and listening to His heart beat.    

Obeying God is one of the greatest ways I can worship Him. I don’t think you can have worship without obedience. Instead of obedience I have found myself replacing my trust in God with worry. I’m worrying about the future over things that are in God’s control. God has not given us a spirit of worry or fear; He tells us that instead He has given us the spirit of power, love and sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). As a human I am dependent, although many times I don’t admit it; I am dependent on people around me for sustainment, life, and even emotion support. God has created us to be dependent, to be dependent on Him. To turn to God, Jehovah –Jireh, who will and has provided what we need. He loves, cares, and wants me to come to Him with the issues of my heart although He already knows them. I can’t do it on my own. He wants me to go to Him who can provide.

I was taking my problems, the discontentment that I was facing out of God’s hands not even going to Him with them. By taking the worry and my circumstances upon myself I was not obeying or worshiping God. Instead I was making myself the same with God, making myself equal with Him. I was saying that God was not infinite, not Sovereign, not all powerful, not greater than my problems. I was disobeying Him by not trusting Him, and by my disobedience I was not worshiping Him, but my actions where saying, “God you are not worth of my worship and praise.” He has shown me that through these daily struggles He wants me to grow, becoming who He wants me to be in Him. He is so much greater than my little petty problems. He is Sovereign and in complete control overall. He is El Roi, the God who sees me, the name Hagar used for God when He saw her affliction. God is interested in the details of my life  and sees them. He is Jehovah –Shammah, Who is always present and never leaves us, but indwells us.

God wants for me to get to know Him more and more and to be conformed to His image. As I am reading His Word, running to Him, and climbing into His gentle embrace, sharing my fears, worries, daily life, I am sharing my heart with Him, my Daddy. I will be conformed to Him, Christ’s life being lived out in my life. God has used my circumstances of being discontent in my present circumstances to show me that I was not trusting in Him. I will get to know God better in and through my experiences and circumstances by constantly turning and seeking Him –my Abba Father. As I get to know God and see that He is faithful I can say “Lord I trust You, You are Faithful, worthy of my praise and worship.” I trusted God with my salvation I can trust Him my heavenly Father in this.

  

Home where my Heart was captured by God

As I look back over the past year I’m amazed by what the Lord has done and is continuing to do. Last year He took me on a journey, a journey that’s not over. To surrender my will and to find God, finding that everything I am is found in Him. The Lord placed the opportunity to go to Africa last year to teach English in front of me. Although that was not my plans I decided to step out in faith and follow Him into Africa’s bush. The first time I meet the children I fell in love with each of them. From the first one I mat Jess Soko as I stepped out of the van the first time at the training center as she rapped hers arms around me and, to the little dirt covered village children who with mango all over their hands and faces. I wish I could say that everything there I fell in love with but no that was a work the Lord did over the time of me being there.

While there the Lord changed my heart. The Lord didn't need me there but He brought me there, He chose to use me as His vessel. When I would hear from the states from one person I would be told just love my children. Over time that would come to mean more to me and be ingrained into everything I did. To just love them-letting the love of Jesus flow though me.